I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
