mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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