Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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