So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
