I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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