i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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