Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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