i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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