Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.

Fav 15 2000 5763
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...

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(716): View more from New York

the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.

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(289): View more from Ontario

I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.

Fav 4 346 195
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(503): View more from Oregon

Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.

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