Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
