I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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