Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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