we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
