hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
