I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
