I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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