Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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