I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
