i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize