Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we made out on top of his cat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
