You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
