I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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