I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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