On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
