And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
either way he was missing a nipple.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
