Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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