Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No subtext here. People are naked.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
