When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize