Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
