You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think people are normalizing furries
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
