walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
