You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
