I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
