I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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