of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
