I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
