I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
