I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
