can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
