wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
