And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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