the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
