No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
