So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
