i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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