So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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