dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
