white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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