false alarm. still invincible.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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