Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
