Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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