he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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