Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
