i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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