So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
