I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
