I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
