I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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