Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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