Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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