the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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