Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
