when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he high fived his dick after we had sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
