giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
someone owes me an orgasm
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize