pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
