Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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