508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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