I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
