I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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