i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
