I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
